totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
