I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
