Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
