if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
