Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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