New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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