My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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