Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
