i will never coherently bang her
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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