I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
not ubering you a puppy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
