his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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