I want to have your abortion
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
