I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
