I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
tell me about the eggs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
