Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
