You just made me feel so damn special
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
