: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
