Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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