I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
