Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm always down for nudity.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
