im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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