i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
