Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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