____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
