so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
