I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
