I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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