just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
