Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
