So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
