I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
