3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
