LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Green mimosas i think yes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
