I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't tell me you're on acid again
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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