Just cropdusted the office
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Randomize
