never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
