drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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