Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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