She's JV to your varsity
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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