we have officially lost it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
