After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
