well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
