He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
