SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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