what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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