Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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