I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
