Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
