I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
