i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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