There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
